I wanna bring you to show and tell
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
