it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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