I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
