You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
