Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
