You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
