apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
