I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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