You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
