Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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