you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
they're like a gay fantastic four
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
