So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just google imaged poop.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
