I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
