all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize