Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
