This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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