how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
my god I love twenty year old dicks
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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