When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
