I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
