Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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