My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize