Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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