we're blogging at a bar
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
