Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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