god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Randomize
