apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
