just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
