he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Watching her eat just hurts me
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
