We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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