Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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