I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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