You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
pop tarts are not kleenex
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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