Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Its about making memories worth repressing
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
