when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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