This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She told me I should be a condom model.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
