I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
