I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
not ubering you a puppy
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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