I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
