Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize