I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
