If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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