Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
