gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
where are my eyebrows?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
