Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize