you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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