are you still at the devil's house?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think my fart just growled at me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
