.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
