I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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