what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
