sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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