I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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