Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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