Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
