She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
