I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
My ATM looks so different sober.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
