why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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