I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
