i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
did you just send me my own nude
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
