Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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