Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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