Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
