are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
