you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh god it's open bar.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
