my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
