i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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