I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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