some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
