question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
