where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
