If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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