I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
