if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
