I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
