Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
