You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
