once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
