I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
