If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
