Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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