I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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