yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
