you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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