Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Houston, we have a blender
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
