I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
