why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
