Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
not ubering you a puppy
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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