8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
