youre lurking in front of me
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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