A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
