Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
