Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize