Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize